I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
People in love make me want to vomit
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
