What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I checked into jail on foursquare
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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