A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
