ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
