just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
