We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
