Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
