Will you blow on my dice?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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