fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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