that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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