Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
