One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
