Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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