Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
