It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
