I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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