And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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