I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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