im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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