you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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