I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
