You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
