You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
