But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
