i permit you to call me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
