Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
