I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
