Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
