so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When did angry sex become our thing?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
