I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
