You smell like a Billy Joel song
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
