I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
