So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
