so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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