Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Terrible idea I love it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
