id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
