final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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