She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
