apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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