You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
