So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
