bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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