come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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