he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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