So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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