FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
