he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
