All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
