I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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