o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
