He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I could make wine with my vomit
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
