dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
