i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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